Pig Yao

2010-06-02T02:10:00.003+08:00

Work Work Work

I Guess this time round it will be my first "not so bad" post in this blog usually is all about bad stuffs, sad stuffs and etc. But this time round is more on hope i guess. I recently found myself changed agian for work i am more of a person who worry about jobs... i guess i put too much heart on finding a good job leading a good life for the future that i neglected my gf..

i don't really notice it much till i saw her fb written ( Listen using your heart, you'll know whether words from my mouth are just joking or i really mean it. ) Just wanted to say i don't mean to neglect u. i just want to have a good and stable job to support myself and maybe you in the future like we are talking since we started the chemistry of beening together. I will try to get back to the start where the feelings are so strong agian asap. hope i am not too late for that..

2010-05-25T01:52:00.002+08:00

I felt so lost now

24 may 10, just a simple normal day while me and dear are doing stuffs of our own like studying and work, etc... everything was cool until my night class ends i call dear hearing her voice thru the phone i felt funny i felt her like getting bored of me even it is not her intendtion but it just feels this way.

i was ok till around 11 30 pm when i meet zy and fren to have a small chit chat near my area, i was texting dear throught out the conversation with zy. But my mood started to change from bad to worse i beening to worry about dear cause of the conversation we had a few weeks back regarding my work and stuffs. i felt so lost i felt like i gonna lost everything in my life agian and go back to the start where i was.

about 1.20 midnight when i arrival back home i take a quick look at my fb to see if there is any funny videos or comment in my fb.. so happen that i see what dear wrote on fb and the way she type on her blog. this time i felt horrible i felt so hard trying to be a success man in this world is so hard. i felt like giving up agian giving up on everything that i had been struggling for the past few months.

all i wanted is just a simple life with the ones i love and the ones i care that's all i want in my life but it seems so hard when i felt that everything i do i will lost something. Like in my life i always got to face the options of choosing LOVE and CAREER. why can't i just have both ?? why cannot i just be like any other business man that have a career with a wife and kids... sometimes i really wonder am i a person that is ever going to be good enough for anybody.

i am too confuse and scared right now i don't really know what to say and what to type my feelings are always very confuse when i write cause my heart is reading itself too.. is just confusing...............

2010-03-30T23:14:00.003+08:00

well am back agian.. ha after so much worry she still go for it and stay over as plan.. jus hope everything is ok.. cause her friends there really don't give me the trust at all i am just totally worry but she just cannot get it.. this kind of feelings only i felt it and this is the second time... i felt this way i thought i have already told her before the reason why and stuffs but she doesn't seems to understand... well when everything seems so well.. things just lost control agian... she choose to stay over and neglect my concern... and i choose to avoid and ingore it. i guess no matter how much worry i am she will just go and thought is alright.. of cz to her it is not the 1st time.. but than agian... that time she is single... but not now.. well haiz.. no need to say le she should be happy right now with her friends..

really hope my dreams issit true this time... i was kinda worry cause my dreams was all about states or some weird dreams with the "she" everytime when i started to get worry i will have weird dreams and things will start to go wrong... really dunno... how to say ... nvm...

2010-03-30T03:52:00.003+08:00

ha ... never thought i would write this down here... everytime when i miss any of her events in her life i will feel uncomfortable jus dunno why but i will feel uneasy when she is with other ppl ... did i over do stuffs or is my love to her too much ?? sometimes i even question myself in what position am i to stop her from all this kinda event... i don't feel i am doing right.. instead i feel myself like a road block to her.. but love is selfish issit it?? where u just wan her and only her to be with ??? issit this what every couple is looking for??? i am really puzzled and kinda worry about her for tml i just cannot think right. i jus cannot think that everything is ok. when her so called good friend "Mr H" was there i just don't feel safe.. at first i thought it is ok but jus that once when he did the wrong move.. and don't gain my trust.. i had already lost hope on him.. that he will protect her from my absent cause i won't be able to be with her 24/7 as everyone got to move on by themselves in ways...

well i guess i am jus gonna say till here as the more i say the more puzzle i am i jus wish i don't know .

2010-03-08T23:20:00.003+08:00

Where everything's seems to be right.. this feelings came back agian.. was feeling cold and down right now... no matter how hard i try i still walk alone.. i belive i really try too hard to maintan a rs i think the problem is me... haiz.. maybe i jus concern too much. ya maybe like what others said i don't mend to be attached as every little things my partner did that i don't feel right will spoil my day... even if i know why and i can understand problems still came by to say hi!!! well i just know i am confuse and puzzle right now i jus wan to sleep it off i guess... maybe i shld go and let go myself 1 day and don't care about anything i guess it will be the best for me maybe i shld jus be like other normal bf jus hack care and be myself ...

2010-02-19T19:06:00.002+08:00

Well. back agian.. this time i am amaze by my own blog it jus amaze me. that i can moodswing myself by looking back at my old blog... than i guess i ask too much ba for a gf which is only with me for awhile.. but i guess i am not that hard to understand if she really use her heart to think about whatever i am trying to say either on sms or anywhere. maybe she had think before but is kept it to herself which makes me even worse. God damn it i jus hate myself sometimes for been so emotional when i know she won't get it.. what i want is always not what i get.. maybe in love life i am always the 1 giving ba.. than till i tired le than choose to slowly give up than they realise what i want. but think agian it will be late le... well... but i guess if the moments we share she is happy than i am good than jiu hao le ba... sometimes i wonder am i really a bf material or i am jus a guy who is mend to walk alone... cause i haven really get a partner which really knows me like i wish they would at least for now. but i know she is trying.. but sometimes i just wanted to say trying issit really the way is the heart that tells u what to do... well maybe i really try to hard to let a girl understand me... ha oh well i guess i muz stop here le.. the more i say the more it hurts... and the colded it gets...

2010-01-23T13:47:00.002+08:00

Back!!! Wa damn piss off with ppl who like to say things i never done before... Hello!!! Ms April!!! please self-service why u don't appear when i was single?? say all u want when i am single?? why must wait until i attached agian le than come and play this type of bitchy style.. come on la u know u never win de.. i give up le u means is over de u know how firm i am with this words de... SO please self-service....

2009-12-09T03:11:00.002+08:00

hmm... i dunno if i shld let her know that i am willing to try agian if she does anot. cause there are so many bad things about her what i went to USA heard from so many ppl that she change alot not in good side but bad. Been trying so hard to belive that the trust i had in her that time was true. Alot of ppl say she was flirting around when i was away. When my sis break with her bf she will sms me just to ask why. i was surpise that this news other than the bf itself noones knows and i dunno why she contacted my sis bf while i was away so many things so culess make me few so unhappy.

Anyway today my parents & frens already started to question me why i still single. Haiz i wish i could tell them but i think i just could not. i cannot let go the past cause i fell to hard and i doesn't wish to stand up cause ........

Well just hope she see this post at least and hope i could have a answer. Maybe 1 day before i really go into my future. I still wish she could be my 1 day gf than end it that way, i guess that will be a better ending for a break up like this cause after all is 7yrs r/s. but is all just wishes sorry to say but this kind of stuffs hardly came true.

Yao

2009-12-05T03:19:00.002+08:00

help me !! been stupid thought i can get over her. so have been contacting awhile lately found out that i cannot get over her just by a simple fren pic she take will make me feel the pain agian and agian like everything is back to that day when she say break!! been thinking of getting her back but the odds are well too low this time and pride is in the way.. can someone tell me how to flirt really just play with girls maybe i will be a jerk 1 day but at least i will be much more happy than now. i belive.

2009-12-01T03:29:00.002+08:00

hmm.... just feel like shouting out loud but yet i don't not dunno what's wrong with me. After her sms i become emo agian. I know she is just guilty and maybe not very happy with her current bf. That's why she did that. don't she know she is just making me worry for nothing. i am trying very hard to turn to a new life i still want my old self back. DAmn Shit!! emo really kills. i just accidently let 1 of my frens to emo with me and yet i make her think of the bad past i felt like a total jerk. but i really cannot do much now it will just make me worse... Come on i got to get over it man someone please teach me seriously.

2009-11-27T03:13:00.003+08:00

well back agian hmm... is late at night all of sudden got some thoughts that flash in my mind and i started to text a fren of mine which i know recently and "her". 1st just wan to tell this new fren that i know that she is a kind girl just that she got to change her way of behaving if she don't want ppl to take her as a gangster girl. 2nd as for her dunno why after text my fren more thoughts came in to my mind that make me wonder why she text me that day. Is she really happy with her life now? or started regreting ? well i don't know about that but i just have a feeling that she is not as happy as before. than i choose to text her just to give her some strength to move on with her life hope my words can encourage her to walk on happily cause i still rmb her smiles everytime i dream of her is like the best things on earth. So i know she saw my blog recently just hope she is happy.

Yao

2009-11-24T02:14:00.003+08:00

well back agian to this place. hmm... is been awhile since i last saw "her" sms i was shock when i saw her sms i thought she have already went to her new life with her current bf. Hmm... well after reading and reply on her sms i felt that i have changed, i can control my feelings much more better having myself thinking in a clearer way rather than sitting down emontionly by myself. Well it seems like she is not happy at all with her bf but i guess life change people change. This impact make me move on alot i started to go club with frens and change of new styles here and there it's been a very wonderful learning jounery kinda like this life now. Maybe now i just feel kinda sad for her i wish i could have the courage to help her back but after some thoughts i guess i should stay low so she can forgot me when time goes by day by day. well i had told her that i will be staying single for now or maybe longer as i told her i still cannot find anyone that is worth to take over her place in me. Well cause i still rmb what she told me when i was with her and when she break off with me while i was in states. This 2 sentences is the worse ones i heard so far. 1st is she said i wasn't suppose to had a gf cause i am too firt and i cannot see who is fren and who is gf. 2nd was during my time in states she said i am better living without u this sentence mean i am the wall that was blocking her all the time well everything is over now but this 2 sentences make me understand that i am not a good bf and i care too much for ppl till my partner is always worry for me. Anyway the things i wanted to say is may fate bring her all the happiness she can get cause after all girls are mend to be love and not cry.

Yao.

2009-11-05T04:15:00.002+08:00

dunno what to type here today but just want to rmb the dream i had after so long. i dream of her agian feelings are so real just like before i left for PV. the moments are there the feelings are so true i felt her in my arms agian don't know why i really wish it is true. i thought i already trying to chase another girl that i know recently but i guess i was wrong glad that i have not hurt anyone yet. hmm.. dunno when can i really forgot her dunno how much am i going to damage myself to de-stress but yet maybe this is what i get for archieving my childhood dreams that day. My life really did change when i fly to USA alot of friends said the same thing. Are u Yao?? no matter what happens or what people say i guess closing my own door is the best choice to make. haven really forgot her before i will always think of what is she doing , is her bf treating her good , is she happy ? etc. Well i don't know maybe our story doesn't really end yet. ching really wish u happy as always i just wants to know that u are happy that's all. Sorry i am not a good bf i should have not left u alone . i am selfish sorry

yao

2009-11-04T04:08:00.002+08:00

haiz back to this blog agian !! do i really cannot start another r/s anymore why i feel so down everytime when her name is out? i thought i already let go already ? Why everytime this feelings is always here. how should i start my own life !!! really wonder why she can so ez forgot about everything and have a new bf and i cannot. girls are that heartless?? who can proof me wrong? girls are just a tool? OMG!!! help me please let me let go everything and teach me how to start a new.

2009-10-25T00:19:00.002+08:00

Hey back agian the same old place for me to mood swing this time round i dunno why jus wan to talk and shot out loud. Been very wild lately also going to pub, club and etc just trying to have that night of fun to forgot myself is stupid but i think is worth it at least i am relax like what i was before all this happen. Seriously after thinking back is also good that she left me ba make me realise that true love do exist and it hurts real bad. i don't blame anyone but myself that i don't understand her at that time but things are over and i cannot get over her yet. Maybe that's how painful true love is when it flys away. i ever have a fren of mine having the same feeling as me right now he feels that girls to him now is just a girl nothing speical. Oh btw he had been with her for 10 yrs and things still turn out to be a nightmare so i don't think i am the worse but i am also not the most relax one.

Ya talking about club and etc i guess i have been really wild been trying out how to intro myself to a girl at dancefloor learning how to flirt around is pretty fun to learn but yet i am just trying to let go myself. haiz just wish i was flirt at the very beginnning of any r/s so i won't be so breakdown right now. hmm... my fren already took 3 yrs and he is yet to recover himself. i wonder how long i would take? But just a friendly advise to all who see my blog if u really fell in love for a speical guy or girl than really treasure her for life cause other wise u will turn out like me. Because i wanted to fulfill my dreams so bad i forgot her need that she wants from me.

to all the couples out there all the best and to all the people that is in my shoes right now u are not alone.

Yao

2009-10-12T01:04:00.003+08:00

haiz!!! back again getting from bad to worse now i have hated myself more than ever. Why am i so trouble by her why !!! why is my mind full of her when things are over!!! can someone tell me seriously don't know why but every min i had is all about her safety wheather is she good is her bf now treating her well??? what am i suppose to say is my bad that i don't grab hold her that time. Can anyone tell me shld i just have any gf for now at least to forgot her seriously i dunno which is good for me i am going to break down agian seriously i am.

2009-10-10T04:40:00.002+08:00

hmm... Back agian i guess don't really know why i want to write this in but it just seems like i really need a place to say out my feelings.

1st don't know issit a curse or what after i come back from USA too many things happen frens changes all the so called "forever couples" all break up with just no reason dunno what the hell happen to this place. I felt so uncomfortable i really wish i was dead that time when she break off with me. I rather choose to chicken out so that i won't need to see all my frens breaking up married couple with kids divorce and so on. This whole thing is Fking bull Shit!!!

2nd things change too much till i guess i have already given up on LOVE to me now all this are fake how real can it be now LOVE is just like SEX. There is no reason why people nowadays need to have LOVE all they need is SEX. Had so many frens all lost there vrigin at the age of Fking 14 OMG!!! is like crazy when i heard that news. Damn !!! girls isn't hard to get on bed nowadays OMG!!!

3th to a few frens who i concern go have a partner and move on don't stop on my clock here cause i ain't watching. My r/s time is over if u girls don't get it. i choose to stop at my own clock not moving on. Other than "needs" i don't think there is a need to have a partner for me so if u all see this msg plz get moving i am sure u guys can find a better someone. Let my time stay at where i stopped with her cause i am really sorry i just cannot forgot her.

Yao
DEAD!!!!

2009-04-25T07:44:00.001+08:00

back agian. I had a bad dream on monday. I dream that i was back in sg and i really saw her with another guy and is 1 of my fren. i freak out like a mad man. But i don't not do anything to my fren instead i become very indenpent myself and don't even go out anymore with my reg frens that i always been i become a working machine only work and work earn money that's all OMG tell me that's not true when i go back 5 wks more to go and i will face all the facts tell me what am i going to do ... If anyone saw this can u tell me what to do i am confuse....

2009-04-22T04:43:00.001+08:00

haiz... it's been 3 weeks plus already still cannot stop thinking just keep trying to make myself bz to forgot her. 6 more weeks for me to go home all of a sudden i feel so worry to go home feel so lose when i go back. It's been tough since the day she reply me i am not her dar anymore. From that day onwards i really got heartbroke it's like pain till i cannot really know what's going on anymore. i am just trying to get over the last 6 weeks and go home. kaoz...,. Really in need of help man... this is damn crazy

2009-04-11T04:06:00.002+08:00

haiz 2 weeks past already. Yet i am still as useless as a baby thinking of her every now and then try to forgot her. Forgot all the good and bad times that we been thru. Time Really don't wait for people to U Turn and so do her. I think i have already msg her near to 40 Times but she still don't not reply me a single 1. i am Amazed how she did that? How she can be so heartless? Who is behide all this i really don't belive is her that did that. i rather she tell me the truth not everything she got to suffer herself i am there to help. Ching u know ma i am even more worry since the day u say break Do u know that? Because all the Forever Promise is make by u and now U break it urself. Still remenber u ask me not to leave u regardless of what will happen ? You always belive we can go over all the problems. But why this time u don't belive i will still be the same Ah Yao u know. If u hate me because of me coming to USA for NS. I will still tell u i don't not do wrong. is a choice that i want to make and it is choice that i wan to see my frens clearly. Do you know how much pain i suffer ma for just coming here. I suffer the biggest pain is leaving u in SG do u know how much i wan to marry u that time and bring u over? Don't u know how firm that i will be with u forever? To Me u are like already my wife don't u think ? don't u feel?? No matter how much i suffer here is not as pain as the day u say break to me. It is like breaking me apart, Apart from everything do u know?

2009-04-08T10:44:00.001+08:00

Back Agian This time i am typing while i am having a hang over from yesterday night drinking. I don't know how it really started but the most suprise things is i drunk the whole bottle of Long Island Rum Which is about 2 Liters if i am not wrong. i only took 2 hrs to settle it. i was so drunk that i started laughing and crying at the same time. i won't know what will happen at that time but i am so drunk until i don't even remenber who i called that night it was crazy. Love really is a very Powerful thing it can make u be the most happy guy in the earth and at the very end it can make u be the lousy person too. All i can say is this break up really is pain so pain till i cannot think right or do things right at all.

Today i cook curry bee hoon for my dinner in SQN but guess what i forgot to season my chicken b4 i cook haha. So the whole curry is only spicy but no taste how funny right haha. On Monday i iron my uniform but i don't not off the iron and i went to work i only notice it when i was already halfway to work about 40 mins. Let's see what will happen for the next 7 weeks hope i can go back SG in piece i really do even we are no longer together but i think i owe her alot. No matter what happen i will still need to go back to her. Hope our feeling will be back or i will be really aimless once more and this time it will be even more pain.

2009-04-07T11:05:00.000+08:00

is me agian all alone at my house. It feels so cool and lonely in the nights which make me scare when everythings turns the other way i don't feel myself anymore. No Joy No nothing just me and this lonely room that i got. I don't know how she can get over with this pain but not for me i feel every single pieces of my heart break in pain until i cannot even feel myself anymore. Life now is not as good as i was before. Things changes and it was no longer in my play. I guess i really got kick out of the game already. I really very scare when i go back to SG i will saw her with another guy i don't know what will happen i am so scare but i don't tell anyone. I always try to control when i am out but once everyone is gone i will break down agian like no one cares. i still got 7 weeks more i don't know how am i going to hang on to this. I really cannot imagine this day will come to me agian OMG!!!! So Pain !!!!!

2009-04-03T04:02:00.003+08:00

haiz tell me what to do. i called her yesterday but she don't say anything much but from hearing her voice is enough to make me cry out the whole night without even trying to. guess this is how powerful love can be. After i hang up with her i really cannot control myself all the flash back from young comes to my mind. i really feel so bad about myself why choose to leave her. I guess my heart is still with her. Regardless of where or who she is with. i think that's it my love life will be over soon but i still cannot get over with it. i know when i go back the chances of patch back is always there because i think she is not that heartless.

I really cannot imagine if she really got a bf to replace me. i think i will totally break down in to pieces. I guess i am really stupid. After knowing the do's and don't of a girl i still can fail the love test. Can't imagine that a 90 point guy like me can fail to this.

Anyway i am trying to forgot her so i actually keep on keeping myself bz like working,driving around and cooking dinner for my frens in the SQN. i hope it works i know i still cannot control my feelings cause every night if i don't not feel tired and slp early the flashback will come back. The flashback is so sweet but the real life is already over. i still can imagine that time when i and her is from the high sch. Plus i still can clearly flashback how i ask her and the time b4 we are together. haiz..... don't say already.

2009-03-28T04:49:00.002+08:00

Haiz this is the 4th day of break up. I manage to make her pick up my call for once but whatever i said she is just don't reply no matter what type of reason what type of hope all i havr tried. She just kept herself quiet since she already make a decision like that i got nothing to say but let go. it been so hard and so shock that this will happen. I am so angry with myself because i cannot go over face to face to talk to her i think that will be more effective than just talking on phone. Sorry to anyone we see this blog i really cannot get over it. it's really to sudden till i am so lost.

2009-03-26T14:24:00.002+08:00

I had tried ways and ways to pull us back but why don't u even try abit just for 2 months and u won't be alone anymore. Does i really deserve this pain? You tell me. NS is not i want to serve is no choice stuffs. I agree i choose to come USA but i don't not mean i don't love u is a test for both of us. Why we cannot pass this test together why u must let go? So many years of relationship cannot pass this test ? WHY!!!!!!

2009-03-26T05:32:00.002+08:00

what's love can anyone tell me? don't u think is so funny when ur 7yr plus partner break off with u just because u are aboard serving NS???? The Reason of breaking of is just because she likes her jobs alot and she is very use to be alone!! Tell me how to belive her. Tell me how do u take that kind of reason. Why we work so hard and still fail this test?? i thought u already want to plan for our future already i thought u say we are there already thinking about the same stuffs and now this happen with this kind of reason u tell me how this happen!!!!!! 2 more months cannot take it than the 1 yr u can take it ???? are u joking with me if u really got read this post. please tell me what are u thinking. i rather u tell me someone took over my place than u tell me this kind of reason . i know if my fault i shld not have gamble this at the 1st place but don't u think our love can go thru it. why u want to stop now 2 more months i am coming back and we will be forever. i going to ORD soon after i go back SG why why why why why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-10T23:29:00.002+08:00

Yo Back agian this time with a very bad news!!! After 3 yrs of driving i got my 1st Speeding ticket and it destory my whole driving life man!!! How can a speeder stop speeder. All i can say is i am super stupid to go out when i am already 85% enery down. Anyway all i can say is i never went to jail for speeding it's already quite good for me and luckily i don't go higher on that day. Hope my life can get better here in USA and time please fly faster.

2008-07-03T02:24:00.002+08:00

hello what a boring day today. It's my base change of command rehersal and guess what i was not involed and i am not suppose to go and see the parade rehersal by my S1 and CC orders. It seems that begin a clerk at this detachment is not a very good choice as u are "too small to be seen" everyone is like look down at u steping on u as and when they are jealous of u. 1 simple reason because u are a NSF working in USA and getting the same allowance as them. As i always say people in this world are often like that they will get their punishment when the time is right for them. Always remenber never forgot to turn ur back and look around cause u are once there with the rest, Just that u are lucky enough to move abit faster.

Anyway being here a 50% blessed and 50% hated because of what u are here. People treats u differently so my advise is to be urself and hack care the rest.Pray that the next NSF will be able to take the heat that i am getting for another 8 months i guess.

finely can go out on a trip agian. It's an expensive trip but i think it is worth the price for being myself and happy agian for the short weekend rather than staying at my house to rotten thru out the weekend.

Another lonely Bday all by myself it's been awhile since someone celebrates my Bday. Haiz what's Bday and What's life who will know. Been throw to a corner all alone in a country that u are not familar with is no joke. Seriously u will always feel cool and despress i am trying to pull myself up and i hope i can. The best part is when u are feeling cool and down, U asked ur family or Gf to come over to accompany for a while and they rejected u. It's like breaking up with ur sweetest gf after a very long time of R/S. If anyone knows how i feel please tell me what can i do.

2008-05-16T06:06:00.002+08:00

yo today's is my day off. A tired start off today. early morning 10 am i start washing,waxing and detail my car is all hardwork but it pay off man. Later in the afternoon i went to do an insecption on my car and the enginer said that " Wow u really love your car man!!" I reply "ya it was just like the love from me to my GF". My car is super. I can't imagine that a 7 yrs old car can be that good all my inspection pass i actually brought a good car which every things on the car have been service reguarly by all the pervious owner's great man. After my car inspection actually went to do some auntie shopping and come home for a nap before my basketball game at night haha. what a nice day and a nice car i have. Wish my GF is able to come and share my joy.

2008-05-11T15:50:00.004+08:00

hi i am back agian wanted to say sorry to my gf for the post i did on that day. i want to say maybe is because of my type of style i will always lend a helping hand to anyone who is down or whatever. maybe is because i care too much for others and always forgot about my gf . maybe is because of my life started to change alot since secondary 4 ended. Life is funny sometimes the things u wanted to be always goes the other way but we all got to face it. Just like i always like to care for others and always miss out (you) is not because i don't love u is just that this is me. i always like to help people i not only want to see ourselves happy, i also want my friends around to be happy too. i don't know what the other people think but just want to let (you) know that there are a few girls which (you) don't like are the people who help me thru out my school days. I am sorry i will easily got crash on to them but i really found that they are a true friends which i want to tresure. Crash on them does not mean anything because i am not a timer and i know that it is only temp feeling.At least i know how to control. Not like that time when we quarrel because of (your ex bf) due to some camp stuffs which is none of my problem (you) actually scold me for nothing (you) know how i feel? Until today i still remenber all this because it really breaks my heart.I just want (you) to know that whatever i do as long as the trust is there we will be fine. The girls and i will not be lover as we treat each other as buddy so i hope this will let u have a better thinking of me and them. As for (you) i know that ur style is very playful type but please at least have a line drawn so i can also relax abit. Sometimes the way (you) treat a friend like the (ivan case) u can because of him than scold me. You know my feeling?? I know (you) also like to see your friends happy and help them when they down but do u need to scold me because of a friend ?? i have never do this to (you) why u always got to do this to me?? If (you) always like to say me why don't (you) think of urself. Is my line of a friends better than u ?? If my memory is right (you) have already did this to me for about 6 times and every time (you) do that it doubts the R/S between us. i can tell u my heart is never heal till now cause everytime i try to heal (you) will always know how to break it. But i still going to say sorry to u about the post i write on that day as the rest of all that i don't want to know it anymore.I know i got hurt u but think of what u do to me who is more hurt? You want to know why i tresure all of the girls so much ?? Is because everytime u hurt me they are the 1 who lend me a helping hand, they are the 1 who accompany me thru out the thing that have happen between us. So you know why i crash on them so often is all because of ur chance that u make for all this to happen or else where will there be a chance for them to crash our R/S right?? haiz i think that's all about this USA trip half of the reason is because of this and some is because of other reason.

2008-05-11T01:16:00.002+08:00

This post is for my gf just to let her know i am only writing out of joy if everything also cannot write than nevermind i never blog again anyway this blog is a die blog no ppl come in 1 but don't know why u always want to check on me. haiz... i stay in USA now also want to check on me got abit L lei. anyway to explain i was only saying that i have u and a girl who treats me very good than u angry liao so is up to u ba i know u will see this blog agian so i lazy to call u back liao anyway whatever i do u will spotcheck so u read ba

2007-05-22T02:11:00.000+08:00

Hi back to my place haiz today got drunk don't know why from last time i can drink so much but when ching is gone i got drunk so easily don't know why all of my memory i forgot last time all come back all of a sudden i feel like crying so hard really so hard until i wan to broke down seriously life have change too much since the day my licsence come out my life change so much friends are no longer friends the girls i usually talk when i am down is also no longer friends don't know why and what happen thru. To make this happen to make my feeling so down i try to sleep but cannot then i try to think of other things to do but i still down till now haiz type so many things in here but i still don't really know what i and typing haiz forgot it don't type anymore bye

2006-09-06T14:36:00.000+08:00

hi back to the place to write my words in here. Have anyone ever lost 2 loves ones at a time ?? i tell u i do i lost my gf jen ching and my grandmother on the same week so heart pain until i can die so lonely till now still kinda miss both of them one is my grandmother who see me through from small till now another is my gf that will acomppany me when i need her the most even i say she is kind of sticky but i understand why she is like that so until now i still never able to forgot her . she change alot recently at least better then that time we still contact each other and i find it better. Fews days agi thru her sms i cry in heart to reply this msg (why u always need to wait until u lost a thing then will start to treasure not everything u treasure will turn back to ur way do u know?) after sending i smile abit cause at least she know what i really want her to be last time when we stead u finally know my affort of this break up is not wasted i am glad but time goes by i find out is better to kept here and maybe not to say by my mouth jus to let her know i still care for her till now but just won't show out for her cause i scare for now if patch we sure will have the same problem agian so i rather see her happy and keep myself by her side silently. Really missing the days where my ah ma always wake up early in the morning scolding me to wake up and go for work, is kind of angry in ways but when she was gone now then i know that is a care for me to learn to sleep early and wake up early not to be lazy as a pig.from small i was bought up by my grandparents for what i am now half is because i have them with me now 2 are gone left 1 behide for me i starting to wonder will i die without them one day maybe i will cause i really not use to all this days now so strange so cold everyday was like the end to me hope i can go to meet up with them sooner dunno why jus feel that this world isn't mind playland anymore really wanted to turn back time...............

sometimes i wonder i help so many people who have really helped me my life go so different after i have my linesce to drive everything change people around me wasn't so real they are all like fakes if only someone who really i can trust to bring me out from this hell so everything i want will really come back too me hope it's true haiz... no matter what i got to say i still love her till now jen (LOU)

2006-08-29T14:39:00.000+08:00

Hi finally back agian to this blog actually i am not to use com durnig the death of my grandmother but then if i never say it out i will die let's start from the friday midnight she message me asking me to send her home as a fren cause she wanted to watch a movie with her fren so i agree with her and decide to send her home. So i went out to fetch her back reaching her side around 5 then i saw her walking back to the lift. But i really cannot make it that day so i decide to give her the pig my fren give me for bday than i run to her telling her to keep it for me cause i wan her to be happy as she use to be. i try to be strong but i cry. she try to stop me from crying back i does not work than she hugged me i feel so sorry to her i jus keep saying sry and tell her that "this pig is for u to keep when u are single and if u are attact plz return me the pig and forgot me forever so ur r'ship will go on for ur next bf" after saying i go home and rest then i was only slping for 1 hr when my family told me my grandmother pass away i was to shock when i see is real i cry out the whole day during the time i forgot about the pain with her during that time see my grandmother die i was so sad as i wan to bring her out this coming thur but i don't think there is anymore chnace left.. my gf came on the second day to visit my grandmother but i was too tired don't really saw her come but my parents told me she did come . Haiz all the secert i kept all come out cause i don't think i can hide anymore so i told my parents about my uncle car and others things then they realize why i did all this and now i got the permission to drive both car as and when i wan is kind of a good thing but i won't think i will be able to use much of a car as i got my gf and no one to bring so maybe all i can do is to study hard and aim for my dergee in the furture haiz.. ok really don't wan to say too much not in a mood so that's all ...

2006-08-25T15:29:00.000+08:00

Hi hi back to the place where i can tell my feelings out but 1st of all let me thanks all my frens that help me out in the test today plus thanks to everyone who is willing to pull me up from this fell but sorry i could not stand all for now cause i don't wan to forgot my happy moments with my gf jen ching until now i still never say she is not my gf i still have her in my heart my gf jen ching i never forgot her till now still wearing the neacklace and hug the dog that she give me can i still cannot forgot her. Life do go on noone will be able to anything if u don't want yourself to move and i am the person now in life that is not moving and jus wan to remenber the past at school when i was on the way to my test something happen to me it was the 1st time i don't feel scare for test,all i can feel is my heart crying crying till i am lost, lost in a way that i don't know what i am doing but jus her my whole mind was thinking of her i try to stop but it cannot, so i force myself to not shown the expression of my sadness to anyone but yet still kind of hard some of my frens still know it. For these few days i have been eating lesser and lesser getting more sad day by day maybe is because without her i really cannot stand but i promise to myself i will wake up from all that and go forward cause i know one day i will go back for her when we both really understand each other better why i did this is all because of one reason wanted her to understand what love really means it does not mean by calling each other and meet up everytime is equal to love. Her Mind set is wrong love is actually some kind of power that we all humans have only it is not known by too much people as many people thought of the way she think is love. Love is a kind of power that u no need to even call her everyday or every hr to know what she doing, love is not like trying to make ur another half happy while u are sad urself all this are not love is just a way to make urself stress to make urself lost the power of what love really brings to u. I may not be a good guy to all but i myself will never regret what i have done to anyone cause i think b4 i act everything ,the answer to all ur action is actually known b4 hand is only wheather u wan to belive or not , so no matter how much i love her i still got to let go cause she don't know what is the real love she is looking for to. Some i let her fell down like me i fell down and i could stand up yet cause sometime if u never fell u will never know why will u fell down what wrong with urself. Only when u fell down then u know why all this happen as people will never think back to what is wrong in he or she whatever they are in a good mood. but i really still cannot forgot her even if one they someone can let me forgot her i won't know wheather my heart is still able to keep anyone person in anot? cause my heart is already stolen by her............. erm... jus abit of add on this song is just for her to know my feeling for her.. and i am glad my fren all found there love i am happy for them haha that's all

2006-08-24T12:20:00.000+08:00

hi back agian in this saying what i want to say to her in here hope one day she will know why i wan to break off with her. This morning around 2 midnight b4 i slp i message her this answer she wanted to know (you have already walked in my heart but i need to let u go) because i don't not want to broke of with her is the way she treats this r'ship. After that i wake up in the morning feeling very sick my frens called me and she also message me asking me about the 5 things i like off her the 1st time she send me this message i really don't care about it much till i broke off with her then i understand how important is this message to her so i reply her back with Caring, Act cute,Always bully me, Helpful and Willing to sarfice anything for me it is from my heart this is what i really wan to say maybe it's too late but i still got to say i nvr forgot her in my life after all this message i send i when to gin moh to take my uncle car for service when i start to heard my mp3 i heard this song call gou gou shou from guo mei mei i eyes start to wet and i feel very uneasy but i still listen finish it cause this is the song i send her telling her it is a very meaningful song for us to listen and understand it real meaning in it. And Afternoon around this time (12:30) i was at west coast mac alone waiting for my uncle car to be ready and flashing back all the memory i wan to remenber from her cause i think this is the percious moments i want to recover the moments i wil keep in mind so far i don't think anyone will be able to walk in to my heart as my heart don't not have any room spare for anyone to come in esp: a girl name layhong cause she really don't understand what i really want her to do cause i found her kinda blur in everything she do. Her frens and family got to tell her every single step what can do what cannot do which make her turn out like a robot jus like that is wasn't clear what i actually know her for the real thing i wan is to let her be my fren that's all i want i like to have more fren that's all but she think in a wrong way she thought i want to know her is because i wan to stead with her i try telling her how could i even timer to anyone i don't wan to be a jerk to anyone say i explain to her telling her everything she should know but until now she still don't understand my love to jen ching is like life sentence in prison won't be able to get out so easy. She is making my life stress but i got no choice as she really cannot understand what i wan her to know. Maybe time may let her understand i don't really care if she will be my fren now as i really don't have any mood for all this i had enough i just wan to make clear that i broke off with jen ching is not because of anyone is just her that's all i know it maybe a very bad broke off but still wan to say i won't regret it as i know one day i will go back for her unless she have a new half than i will let go and wish her all the best cause i understand love is really not a good thing to settle and i amire all the couple who have already when to marriage and start there second level off there life maybe i won't have the chance to go thru that but i understand if this 1 stage we cannot make it 2nd and the 3rd stage off our life won't be happy at all. i felt from so high but i am climbing back to what i was b4 ok ba so long for today ..........

2006-08-23T23:12:00.000+08:00

Hi Hi 1st Time On Blog Find It Funny Thought I Won't Blog But End Up Here.. Ok Let's Start My 1st Blogger It Maybe Sad For Sure Cause Today Is the Day I Broke Of With My Gf Which I Love Alot But I Got No Choice But To Left Her Because Between Us We Have Alot Of Things Than I Could Not Explain N I Don't Know How To Explain But I Jus Want To Let Her Know If Anytime I She Found My Blog Cause I Really Like Her That Much I Will Want To Wait For Her Cause After That Time I Stead With Her She Wasn't Herself At All As Her Auttide Change Totally To A Person I Cannot Take It She Can Call Me 20 Plus Call A Day And It Make Me So Disturb That I Scare Her Every Call She Called. She Can Make Me Don't Dare To Listen To Her Phone What She Call Me. But I Still Try To Understand Her Till Today I Cannot Stand Her Anymore 18/10/2002 to 23/08/2006 But No Matter What I Cannot Forgot Her I Lie To Her Telling Her I Have No Tears For Her When I Say Break But After I Hang Up The Phone My Tears Run Out Like Tap Water I Don't Know Why But It Really Hurts Me Now What I left Is Her Photo, Her Present She Give Me And Ring With Neaklace To Wear On My Neck. Maybe It May Seems Wried Seeing Me Wearing That On Me But It's What She Left For Me I Will Tesure It Till The Day Someone Can Let Go Of It.