Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Work Work Work
I Guess this time round it will be my first "not so bad" post in this blog usually is all about bad stuffs, sad stuffs and etc. But this time round is more on hope i guess. I recently found myself changed agian for work i am more of a person who worry about jobs... i guess i put too much heart on finding a good job leading a good life for the future that i neglected my gf..
i don't really notice it much till i saw her fb written ( Listen using your heart, you'll know whether words from my mouth are just joking or i really mean it. ) Just wanted to say i don't mean to neglect u. i just want to have a good and stable job to support myself and maybe you in the future like we are talking since we started the chemistry of beening together. I will try to get back to the start where the feelings are so strong agian asap. hope i am not too late for that..
- Wednesday, June 02, 2010;
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I felt so lost now
24 may 10, just a simple normal day while me and dear are doing stuffs of our own like studying and work, etc... everything was cool until my night class ends i call dear hearing her voice thru the phone i felt funny i felt her like getting bored of me even it is not her intendtion but it just feels this way.
i was ok till around 11 30 pm when i meet zy and fren to have a small chit chat near my area, i was texting dear throught out the conversation with zy. But my mood started to change from bad to worse i beening to worry about dear cause of the conversation we had a few weeks back regarding my work and stuffs. i felt so lost i felt like i gonna lost everything in my life agian and go back to the start where i was.
about 1.20 midnight when i arrival back home i take a quick look at my fb to see if there is any funny videos or comment in my fb.. so happen that i see what dear wrote on fb and the way she type on her blog. this time i felt horrible i felt so hard trying to be a success man in this world is so hard. i felt like giving up agian giving up on everything that i had been struggling for the past few months.
all i wanted is just a simple life with the ones i love and the ones i care that's all i want in my life but it seems so hard when i felt that everything i do i will lost something. Like in my life i always got to face the options of choosing LOVE and CAREER. why can't i just have both ?? why cannot i just be like any other business man that have a career with a wife and kids... sometimes i really wonder am i a person that is ever going to be good enough for anybody.
i am too confuse and scared right now i don't really know what to say and what to type my feelings are always very confuse when i write cause my heart is reading itself too.. is just confusing...............
- Tuesday, May 25, 2010;
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
well am back agian.. ha after so much worry she still go for it and stay over as plan.. jus hope everything is ok.. cause her friends there really don't give me the trust at all i am just totally worry but she just cannot get it.. this kind of feelings only i felt it and this is the second time... i felt this way i thought i have already told her before the reason why and stuffs but she doesn't seems to understand... well when everything seems so well.. things just lost control agian... she choose to stay over and neglect my concern... and i choose to avoid and ingore it. i guess no matter how much worry i am she will just go and thought is alright.. of cz to her it is not the 1st time.. but than agian... that time she is single... but not now.. well haiz.. no need to say le she should be happy right now with her friends..
really hope my dreams issit true this time... i was kinda worry cause my dreams was all about states or some weird dreams with the "she" everytime when i started to get worry i will have weird dreams and things will start to go wrong... really dunno... how to say ... nvm...
- Tuesday, March 30, 2010;
well i guess i am jus gonna say till here as the more i say the more puzzle i am i jus wish i don't know .
- Tuesday, March 30, 2010;
Monday, March 08, 2010
Where everything's seems to be right.. this feelings came back agian.. was feeling cold and down right now... no matter how hard i try i still walk alone.. i belive i really try too hard to maintan a rs i think the problem is me... haiz.. maybe i jus concern too much. ya maybe like what others said i don't mend to be attached as every little things my partner did that i don't feel right will spoil my day... even if i know why and i can understand problems still came by to say hi!!! well i just know i am confuse and puzzle right now i jus wan to sleep it off i guess... maybe i shld go and let go myself 1 day and don't care about anything i guess it will be the best for me maybe i shld jus be like other normal bf jus hack care and be myself ...
- Monday, March 08, 2010;
Friday, February 19, 2010
Well. back agian.. this time i am amaze by my own blog it jus amaze me. that i can moodswing myself by looking back at my old blog... than i guess i ask too much ba for a gf which is only with me for awhile.. but i guess i am not that hard to understand if she really use her heart to think about whatever i am trying to say either on sms or anywhere. maybe she had think before but is kept it to herself which makes me even worse. God damn it i jus hate myself sometimes for been so emotional when i know she won't get it.. what i want is always not what i get.. maybe in love life i am always the 1 giving ba.. than till i tired le than choose to slowly give up than they realise what i want. but think agian it will be late le... well... but i guess if the moments we share she is happy than i am good than jiu hao le ba... sometimes i wonder am i really a bf material or i am jus a guy who is mend to walk alone... cause i haven really get a partner which really knows me like i wish they would at least for now. but i know she is trying.. but sometimes i just wanted to say trying issit really the way is the heart that tells u what to do... well maybe i really try to hard to let a girl understand me... ha oh well i guess i muz stop here le.. the more i say the more it hurts... and the colded it gets...
- Friday, February 19, 2010;
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Back!!! Wa damn piss off with ppl who like to say things i never done before... Hello!!! Ms April!!! please self-service why u don't appear when i was single?? say all u want when i am single?? why must wait until i attached agian le than come and play this type of bitchy style.. come on la u know u never win de.. i give up le u means is over de u know how firm i am with this words de... SO please self-service....
- Saturday, January 23, 2010;
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
hmm... i dunno if i shld let her know that i am willing to try agian if she does anot. cause there are so many bad things about her what i went to USA heard from so many ppl that she change alot not in good side but bad. Been trying so hard to belive that the trust i had in her that time was true. Alot of ppl say she was flirting around when i was away. When my sis break with her bf she will sms me just to ask why. i was surpise that this news other than the bf itself noones knows and i dunno why she contacted my sis bf while i was away so many things so culess make me few so unhappy.
Anyway today my parents & frens already started to question me why i still single. Haiz i wish i could tell them but i think i just could not. i cannot let go the past cause i fell to hard and i doesn't wish to stand up cause ........
Well just hope she see this post at least and hope i could have a answer. Maybe 1 day before i really go into my future. I still wish she could be my 1 day gf than end it that way, i guess that will be a better ending for a break up like this cause after all is 7yrs r/s. but is all just wishes sorry to say but this kind of stuffs hardly came true.
Yao
- Wednesday, December 09, 2009;